To my past and present library coworkers:
This job was always more than a job to me. From day one, working with you all has been my lifeline. You may not know this, but the only reason I applied for this library job was that my counselor suggested it as a way to treat my depression. I was isolated, knew few people, and spent my days with a moody preschooler and energetic toddler. My mind was not stimulated at home and I felt trapped.
When I started working at the library, I reveled in the calm quiet of the evenings. I looked forward to laughing and talking with you all during our shifts and afterwards at social gatherings. For the first time in three years I had a weekly lunch break with no interruptions. The freedom was empowering.
You all helped me feel confident in my skills as a library worker, and then I started branching into computer work. Those were some challenging times as I learned the website program and wasn’t the only time I relied on all of you to cover for me as I tackled technical frustrations. I want you to know how much I appreciate your patience with me, then and subsequently: when I requested schedule changes to accommodate life’s curve balls, when I was chronically late due to house-related stresses or family demands, when I needed a listening ear. You are an amazing group of people to work with and I am so thankful for you.
As much as you helped me through many rough times over the years, I have come to a point when it is no longer fair for me to lean on all of you. Just as you need someone working at 100%, my family at home needs me at 100%. It is not a decision I make lightly. I mulled it over trying to find a solution to please everyone, but when I was completely honest with myself, I needed to let one thing go–the one thing I can control–my part-time job.
Although my library job continues to be my creative outlet, emotional support, and prime personal connection to others, it is also exhausting and has been causing me a lot of anxiety lately. I am pulled in too many directions and stretched too thin. My kids need a consistent structure, and that is impossible if I am not home a few nights a week. I am missing out on family meals, kids’ activities, and the simple acts of reading to my kids and tucking them in every night.
The timing is right: as we approach summer, I come closer to my most exhausting time of year. Staying home all day with four kids can be draining, and by the time I arrive at work on summer evenings I am usually ready to collapse from exhaustion. I have anxiety all day trying to figure out how to get everything done and also get ready for work while taking care of kids.
When the school year begins again, Kyle will need more support than ever with school work and routines. I want and NEED to be there for that.
People say they don’t know how I lasted this long juggling everything. I lasted because of all of you. No matter what kind of day I have, when I arrive at work I find laughs, hugs, and support. You all gave me happiness. I am going to miss you more than you know.